“Pastor, this man was unemployed , he prayed and he got a job in Chevron (applause), Pastor this man had AIDS but he prayed, and he got well (louder applause), Pastor this man went to the US embassy for a visa and he got a 6 month single entry visa. (Standing ovation, loud clapping and applause, whelps of joy)”
Obama said that it was the treatment of detainees in Guantanamo Bay that was breeding terrorist across the world, I disagree, and it’s the treatment of visa applications that breeds terror.There is a 98% chance that if you apply for a US Visa you will be denied. Why I don’t know? Even if you got the visa, you cannot say why they gave you. It’s not a lottery, it’s a lottery where if you win, you then go for an interview to see if you are worthy to collect your winning check.
The need for a US visa has created an economy on its own. First there are the facilitators , ie those that offer for a fee to assist you in getting a visa, this includes the guys that will “buy “ up all the available online appointment so you have to pay them to get an appointment, the visa agents, who escort you to the door of the embassy, and the special prayer houses where “dry” fasting is done to sway the spirit of the Oyinbos to smile favorable on the soul of the poor Nigerian applicant.
Then there are the providers; who offer fast internet links to secure an appointment, US standard passport photos, Visa lamination, and even scented powder to make your face glow like Abraham and influence the godless American small girl. Then the financiers; this is where the big boys play, this is controlled by the banks. Banks now offer holiday loans and you can charge your visa fees to the loan package. You basically pay $100 per visa application, successful or not, you appear for the interview or not. if there are 1,000 visa applicants a day the embassy makes $10,000 a day, $50,000 a week, $200,000 a month, $2.4m a year minimum, no wonder they can afford the SUVs.
You see the American dream starts by you believing you qualify for a visa, what a fallacy. the British want to give you a visa, it’s your job not to mess up, the Americans don’t want to give you a visa, and it’s your job to convince them otherwise.
Consider this scenario, Olu gets a job he want to travel to the US to see Manhattan, he promises he will return. Yeah right! So he wants to apply for his visa, but he is advised against using a “virgin” passport to apply. So he goes to Ghana (for a week), then to South Africa (for the jazz festival) then to UK (to of course buy an original Arsenal Jersey and mug).
Now the small matter of his passport disvirgined taken care of, he then proceeds to build up his cash (credit) history. So he simply borrows money form his friends every pay day, and slowly pays them back, so his current account will always read N200,000 a month, instead of N20,000 a month. That done Olu will surf facebook and get an old classmate in NY to write him a letter of invitation, that done, he invest in a new Banana Republic suit, new Calvin Klein blue shirt, to match his DKNY red tie, and Sebago shoes (he’s buying American). Then he tunes his DSTV to series to watch Seinfeld, Desperate House wives, and ESPN, f#@k Arsenal, he becomes a Knicks fan.
He then begs his friend who works with a bank to allow him free time on his PC so he can book his visa appointment on the banks broadband link up, and then the most important part. Heaven they say helps those who helps themselves (not in the bible ooh) so he goes to his Pentecostal pastor who tell him to walk by faith and buy his return ticket, and go on 21 day “power will change hands “ fast. He for good measure also visits his mother Catholic priest who after confession prescribes 21 Hail Maries.
So Olu is now rejection proof, he has his padded pay slips, his well versed letter of introduction from his company he got from the HR girl he promised a bottle of perfume form Macys, his shares certificates, his C of O of his land in Mowe, his car particulars, a framed citation form his secondary school, and an Obama badge. He has learned to say Gas instead of Petrol, Pants instead of Trousers and oops instead of yee! He has memorized the pledge of allegiance and knows where Mount Rushmore is. At this time of his life, Olu is at his peak, bring them in he says.
He gets in the line 5.30 am in Lagos, well b4 the sun is up, because he was advised that people who sweat are denied visa, he is speaking in tongues under his breath, and is carrying the white “miracle hankie his girlfriend firm Mountain of Fire gave him. He gets past security, gets into US soil proper (the embassy grounds) he claims that wherever his feet have touched is his, as stated in the bible. He sits in line and then it all goes horribly wrong.
First the banker GM is denied, then the commissioners wife is booted out. then the guy dressed in full NY Yankees attire is axed, its cold but Olu starts to sweat, then next is the half cast girl born in France, she too is axed, Olu he is barely able to keep his bladder shut with fear, if half Oyinbos can fall…. Next the guys from EFCC who wanted to attend a seminar of fire prevention are also axed, its 10 am, no one b4 him has got a visa, he starts to mumble under his breath “ yes I can, yes I can” its his turn.
The young lady asks him “what is the purpose of your visit to the United States?”
At this time, his shoulder are sagged, his lips are dry, he cannot remember Seinfeld first name, and he does not know when he answers “to become a Senator”
The lady waste no time, “sorry Sir, at this time you do not qualify for a United stares Visa” she stamps his passport and says “next”. The mighty are clearly fallen. Olu goes straight home.
He awakes the next day, first order of day is to return his DSTV to BBC news, he bans all US products from his house, Mobil and Texaco filling stations are boycotted, Arik with her Boeing planes are avoided. All Jay Z CD are replaced with Nanto C, he pledges allegiance to the Queen once again, and vows never to eat a burger again.
At this point he wants to drive a molue into the US consulate. First there is the shame, a 3 year project destroyed in 3 seconds, then the explanation to all who ask, then the fee charged by the airline to refund his ticket. He changes churches, and regrets telling his mother priest he slept with the house girl during confession. Olu is clearly a candidate for Al Qaeda.
So Obama the actions of just one consular officer using a secret formula has turned Olu , a western educated, young man into a terrorist. Who would have thought?
The Nigerian Immigration officials have family whose American dream have ben shattered just lke Olu, they deny US applicants visa just as well and with a vengeance. Bill Gates, yes the Microsoft guy was initially denied a Nigerian visa because he failed to prove he would not reside in Nigeria.
We feel you Olu.
Kalu Aja
“It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a Nigerian man to get a US visa.” Nigerian proverb
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