of Jobs and Jobbing

What is the best job in the world?

That’s easy, it’s the President of the United States of America, you get $400,000 a year, a private 747 jet, a helicopter that flies you to your lawn, government housing which is also your office, you don’t pay phone bills and get to retire and earn million talking. Hmm but you have to worry about GM, AIG, Guantanamo, assassination etc and you pay for your own food, next!….
Ok what about a Russian Oligarch you get to have a 100 feet yacht, private jets, lots of lovely models to “escort” you everywhere you go and your own private football club hmmm temping but easy come easy go, you can get locked up by Vlad and sent to Siberia, too many bodyguards next!

Ok I have it, how about an INEC resident Electoral commissioner. You get a federal job, you do nothing till the elections, even after the elections you still do nothing as the results will be sent to you from “above” you get “gifts” from the ruling party, nobody can sack you if you “perform” and you generally get police protection etc hmmm very tempting really very tempting…… but I will pass too boring.

Ok Kalu, a footballer with Chelsea, I mean top scorer, secure shirt, $400,000 a week, NIKE sponsor etc etc surly this is the life, yeah but what if you break a leg? next

Ok I give up, you don’t want to be POTUS, you don’t want to be Abramovich, you don’t want to be Ayoka Adebayo, you don’t want to be Kaka who do you want to be?
Well before I answer let me give you the perks and terms of the job I want
1. I will earn N47 million a QUARTER, that’s $1.7 million a year to develop my village true!
2. Basic Salary - 2,026,400.50Hardship Allowance @ 50% of Basic Salary 1 242 122.70 Consistency allowance @ 200% of BS 4 968 509.00Furniture Allowance @ 300% of BS 7 452 736.50Newspaper allowance @ 15% 1 242 122.70.Wardrobe allowance @ 25% 621 061.37Recess Allowance @ 10% 248 424.55Accommodation @ 200% 4 968 509.00utilities @ 30% 828 081.83Domestic Staff @ 75% 1 863 184.12Entertainment @ 30% 828 081.83Personal Assistance @ 25% 621 061.37Vehicle Maintenance Allowance @ 75% 1 863 184.12Leave Allowance @10% 248 424.55
Severance gratuity @ 300% 7 452 736.50 (Once I get fired)
Motor Vehicle Allowance @ 400% of BS 9 936 982.00 (Every Four Years)
(all figures in Naira)

3. Company cars,
4. Housing allowance
5. I also get to travel when I want.
6. I get to bid for contracts,
7. I am required to come to work every day, but if I don’t come nobody fire me

8. Best of all I set my own salary. I get a chance every year to tell my employer how much to pay me

So I challenge you to tell me which job I better than this?

Kalu there is no job like this now; let’s forget the money part, to get this kind of job you will be worked to the bone, just like a Wall Street banker or a corporate lawyer so I still chose Abramovich.

My guy that the thing, I don’t have to do anything in this job, sometimes you just go on TV and rake that u want to probe someone, u then go around the country with the press in tow, u make a lot of noise, so they can “settle” you with a N5.2billion contract and u stay calm, do you know I have a brother in that “business” he says since 2 years ago when he got this job he has only written 5 reports, and four of those reports were for his salary.

Kalu what is this job? It’s a Distinguished Senator of the Federal Republic Of Nigeria. This is the best job in the whole world.
So are you serious that since 2007 the Federal parliament has only passed 5 bills? Just 5? Technical they have passed only 1 called The Certain Political and Judicial Office Holders (Salaries and Allowances etc Amendment Act) in 2008, the other 4 are all Appropriation bills the
1. Appropriation Act 2007
2. Niger Delta Appropriation Act 2008
3. Appropriation Amendment 2008
4. Appropriation Act 2009
As a unit Nigeria has spent N76 billion a year as salaries of the 496 federal lawmakers and they have returned just 5 bills, all covering appropriations and their salaries. So its 2 years, 5 bills, N152 billion sweet!

Kalu, I have just one more question for you, how do I become a senator?

its our problem, we will solve it